What are you afraid of? Fear is so powerful and has held me back from so much. I have never shared any of my personal struggles on my blogs because I was scared. Scared of being judged. Scared of my shame. Scared of it’s not what others “want to hear”. Scared no one will support me. I used to think that sharing the things we struggle with is like standing on a stage alone with everything exposed. But screw that…here I am now choosing to stand on my stage with pride and rejoice with my father. So here going nothing…
Something I have struggled with for my entire life is figuring out who I am.
cheer • Growing up I found all my affirmation when I was cheerleading. When my first real coach saw something in me, that was the start of it. Since then I always had to jump the highest, be the strongest, win the most awards, and be the very best. In high school, people can be mean so with the combination of the hurtful things people would say about me and an injury I quick stopped receiving affirmation from cheer and found it somewhere else.
boys • I fell for anyone who could tell me who I was. Who could build me up. Who could I could “trust”. And out of all who could make me feel loved. Eventually, I let my heart fall into the wrong hands and started to believe lies. “I deserve to be hurt”. “I will never be enough”. “I will never be loved”. “My voice will never be big enough to be heard”. So broken and still believing I was someone I was not I turned to something else.
friends • I relied on them to tell me I can still be loved. To be there for me through everything. To support me even when it’s not easy. And to never give up even though I already had on myself. And the heavy reality of it is no one can carry that burden. So once again I was left wondering why I was “made” to hurt people. being a missionary • when I first started telling people I was going on the world race I received so much love. Even with all positivity, there was still stuff I couldn’t shake. “You will never raise that much money”. “It’s not very smart to travel instead of going to school”. This left me at my lowest and still wondering who I was
About two weeks ago we had a women’s retreat. At this retreat, I was so bitter. I did not want to sit around with a bunch of girls and share how I struggle, or who I need to forgive, but most of all who the Lord says I am. So after a good talk with one of my amazing leaders, I realized I am able to be set free from the things that have hurt me. That I don’t have to carry that burden because I have an amazing God that has redeemed me. And that my struggles deserve to be heard.
I am Hannah Acevedo.
I am chosen
I am a precious daughter to a king
I am radiating with joy
I am powerful
I am a fighter
I am beautifully made
I am loved
I am strong
I am heroic
I am a overcomes
I am that Proverbs 31 woman
I am made to spread light
I AM A TESTIMONY OF HIS GOODNESS.
So I challenge you to face that things that scare you. I challenge you to stand on your stage with pride. I challenge you to find who you are in his eyes.
With much love… -Hannah
