A few days ago I was scrolling on TikTok… I know I know my GenZ is showing. But I came across this girl who was doing a challenge, it was called “14 days of doing things that scare me”. The video was so short and honestly it was just a video of her doing a high ropes course but when she finished she took one long deep breath and tears running down her face she spoke the words ever so faintly “i did it”. This video caught my attention. I sat and thought about this video shortly and then I went about my day and kind of forgot about it.
Full vulnerability moment … I woke up this morning with crippling anxiety. The kind of anxiety where you want to lay in bed all day and fall off the face of the earth for a bit. A fun fact about me is when I am worried or under a lot of stress I have incredibly vivid dreams. Sometimes good, sometimes bad but they definitely keep me tossing and turning all night. Last night I felt incredibly worried about this next season. So when I woke up this morning I just laid in bed having a mental battle with myself about whether I was actually going to show up today. As I was sitting in bed I was brought back to that moment on TikTok of that beautiful girl having that moment where she is standing on the ledge of the ropes course. She would stick a foot out and then would put it back. You can see the fear in her eye but something inside of her stepped out. I remembered that as she was going about the course, that fear that was in her eyes never left. Her grip onto that top rope only became tighter as she braved through the course. All this to be said, fear was still a huge factor as she was doing the thing.
I had this moment where I realized even if I am already doing the thing, it is ok that I am still scared. It is ok if I need to pause in my own personal rope course because I don’t know if I can do it and remember how I was brought here in the first place. All I needed to do was step out and start. I just need to place one foot out on that course and show up for myself even if I am scared, I can do it. THE SCARY THING IN LIFE KEEP US FROM DOING THE THING BECAUSE THEY ARE MEANT TO BE HARD. No one said actually doing the things that are scary would be easy but my hope, my finish line, my sigh of relief that I am working for at the end is the small surrender where I can look at the face of my savior and say “YOU DID IT GOD”.
PSALM 34: 4-7
4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;
he saved me from all my troubles.
7 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;
he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
So today, fear doesn’t get to win. I will not be another victim to anxiety. That ongoing thought of “am I going to be rejected” doesn’t get to keep me in bed. That pondering thought of should I show up for myself isn’t even a question because I know my God is patiently waiting saying I am here and I have already shown up for you. So today even though it is scary I am choosing the hard. I am trusting that God is so much bigger than my worry and doubt and I am handing over the victory to the one that has delivered me.
I have been reading a book by Jennie Allen and she states, “We have bought the lie that we are victims of our thoughts rather than warriors equipped to fight on the front lines of the greatest battle of our generation; the battle for our minds”.
Wherever you are, whenever you are reading this, I would love for you to join me in praying over people who are struggling in their minds today. I would love for you to join me in a big prayer for the Lord to deliver just one person today of their anxiety, fear, depression, or hopelessness. And if you are reading this and are fighting that same battle I would love for you to do something so bold and allow me to pray with you. He is patiently waiting for YOU with an abundance of love and grace that doesn’t run out.
Thanks so much for reading.
-Hannah
(951) 212-6422
hannah!!! this is beautifully written. cute the tears! thanks for being vulnerable and for the encouragement
What a joy it is to learn from friends walking through similar things. Thanks for sharing what the Lord is teaching you, Hannah. This was super encouraging and such a gentle reminder to keep choosing to show up in the small. Praying for you & believing with you for freedom from fear and anxiety because the Lord is so good and much bigger than it.
Hi Hannah, I have been praying for you daily, especially when I’m swimming. This morning it was quite on my heart to pray for you to press on in prayer. This was before I read your post. Remember that God is great so that we don’t have to be in control. When we try to control things then we’re saying to “God you’re not great enough, I’ll do this myself.” I have to preach this to myself daily. So, whatever tries to hang over your head and weight you down instead do exactly what you’re doing. Back into prayer you go. I love you! Thanks for sharing!
Amen Hannah, so good and well expressed. Your courage to do what is scary gives others and me it too
YESSSS! You are stepping into the unknown, trusting, and feeling all the emotions that come with that! Praying for your thoughts and heart today as you fight for your mind with Him.
May your rest be sweet and your trust go deep. Love, Noel
girl these are such good (and so needed) words!! your YES to what the Lord is asking is big encouragement and so beautiful to watch